As of late I’ve had lots and lots and lots and lots of bad luck, but this takes the cake. I got the swine flu. The piggie disease. I don’t know how I got it, but I think Tuesday morning had something to do with it.

This past Tuesday, at around 6 in the morning, a construction worker woke me up, as I had fallen asleep on a pile of metal debris that was once part of a hotel. A bunch of the guys started asking me questions like “Why are you here?” and “What were you doing sleeping on a stack of rubble?” I was still bewildered from waking up so suddenly (the guy rudely nudged me) and I honestly had no idea how I got there.

Assuming I was homeless (only partially correct), they offered me money to eat garbage. I had no problem doing this, as it was sort of “my thing” in elementary school.

The only time I hesitated is when a guy handed me something that was probably medical waste. It had the biohazard symbol and he said he got it from a local hospital to “see how far this little motherf—-er will go for five bucks.” I got a weird feeling eating the contents of the small package, as it consisted of things like gauze and bags of goo, but I did it anyway.

Later in the week, my doctor (Burt) told me that I more than likely have the swine flu, and he quarantined (straightjacketed) me in a small racquetball court until I either die, or a cure is discovered. The last thing I want is for this pandemic to become an epidemic!

So, in the meantime I will continue to prepare for my upcoming rap battle with Alvaro, which you can hear this Tuesday at 6pm, the first rap battle held exclusively on Twittar.

Until then, I shall be cursing the pigs that put me here.